Today was the second day of Every 15 Minutes at our school. It wasn’t that bad…it was depressing tho. Very depressing. We had to sit through 2nd period, which happens to be Gapper’s class. Dammit. But then we all had brunch together after 2nd which was pretty neat. At the end of brunch we started talking about meeting somewhere so we could all go in and sit together for the assembly. That’s when Jordan started her little tangent today. I’m sorry, but I really don’t understand what her problem was. She was just being a bitch. It started out being that she didn’t want to sit with me and Theron because she said we would probably laugh throughout the entire thing. First off, Theron and I didn’t really laugh at yesterday’s reenactment of the accident. We just kinda stood there and looked bored because we couldn’t see shit because we were waiting for Jordan to meet us where she said she would and she never showed up so we got there late. But oh well…not a big deal. But yea…mostly we were just standing there doing nothing. Ok fine. I chuckled a little when I heard that Abigail Thompson was killed in a car accident. Wo…for some reason I just heard my mom start crying. For like…no reason. Totally random. I’m in the office right next to her room and I can hear her. Really really strange…I’m disturbed…I can tell she wanted to make it so that I couldn’t tell she was crying. But I know better…ok yea. Weird. But yeah…Abigail Thompson died in the reenactment. I hate Abigail. So yes I laughed quietly. It also just seemed that the way they were portraying it on the first day, it seemed a little lame. Not the idea that it’s sad when people die from drunk driving. That’s horrible. But like…I dunno. It was kinda lame. But I can appreciate the fact that the school is trying to solve the problem of people dying from drunk drivers. And Jordan wasn’t even there to see what we were doing during the first assembly. But yea. She got mad at me for saying that the first day was a little lame. She’s very opinionated, that one. And if you don’t agree with her on something…watch out. Which is what happened today. But the weird thing is that other people felt the same way as me. In fact, she seemed to be the only one of us that was taking it that seriously. Too seriously in fact. But she decided to zero in on me and be a total bitch in front of everyone at brunch. She practically attacked me and even tried to get Karlyna to join in at one point, which I thought was pretty low. She started talking about how I only thought it was lame because of my “image.” I have an image? Since when do I have an image…I asked her to explain. She said that it was my hair and my makeup…blah blah blah. Ok. Yes I have hair. And I wear makeup. But so do hundreds of other girls at our school? Then she started rambling about my posture? What the fuck does my posture have to do with anything?? That was just her being a total bitch and trying to make me look bad. Nice, Jordan. Very nice. I mean, would she be happy if I totally let myself go? So she wouldn’t have any competition? Because I honestly think that’s why she’s so fucking paranoid. I served my fucking time being the ugly kid. I looked that way because there was nothing I could do about it. For the majority of my life. Until quite recently, when I started getting myself together. Yes I started doing my hair. Yes I started wearing makeup. Do you blame me for not enjoying looking like shit? I looked bad for a really long time and now I choose not to look bad anymore. Because now I can control what I look like. And I choose to look better. Not to walk around all day looking like I just woke up and that I don’t give a shit about my appearance. That’s just the way I am. You may call me vain, but it’s just because I’m paranoid that I may look the way I did before. So giving me shit is not going to change anything. It just makes you look like an idiot. I did nothing to you. I don’t give people shit when they go to school looking like they just woke up because that would be rude. Yes…rude. You don’t do that. Something we all learned at an early age. Restraint. I understand that I get more attention than she does. I can’t help that. But I’m not going to sacrifice myself so she can get hit on. I don’t ask to be hit on all the time. Most of the time it’s by guys that I have absolutely nothing in common with. Or older men. Much older men. So why does it matter that I get hit on by them? It doesn’t matter at all. I would never go out with emo kids or men older than my father. So it may as well have never even happened. But I don’t understand exactly why she felt the need to attack me at school today. In front of everybody. I never did anything to her…and it wasn’t about my “image.” It was because I genuinely thought that part of what they were doing seemed kind of lame. Sure today seemed to be a lot better and well put together, but yesterday didn’t mean that much to me. Probably because we were standing there and couldn’t hardly see anything that was going on. Big fucking deal. And why should it matter to her anyway? It’s not her god damned business. I should be able to think what I want and not have to take shit from somebody just because she disagrees. Sigh…I haven’t had the best day. Can you tell? Oh well…The Every 15 Minutes thing was sad. Our side of the gym seemed to be handling it better than the other side though. Nobody in our particular little area was crying. But then we looked across the room and saw people wiping their eyes and stuff…The people sitting behind me and Theron were actually making fun of one girl at one point. I thought that was pretty immature. I mean, the girl was trying to read the letter she had written her parents and she was crying so hard that we couldn’t understand what she was saying. I felt soo bad for her…and the guys were laughing. Oh well…immature. But I guess the other people on our side of the gym were having to pass around Kleenex because so many people were crying. Hmm…I mean it was sad, but for some reason I can’t cry. I mean, for a while when I was younger I was able to. But then things got really bad for a while years ago and I would cry all the time. Then one day I stopped and it seemed as if almost all the emotion was like…drained out of me. I haven’t been able to cry or anything since then. Mostly I just get upset and really quiet. But I don’t cry. But then a lot of people didn’t cry today. I wasn’t the only one… Jordan says it’s because I’m a heartless bitch. Ok… After school got a little better at least. My mom picked me up on time and we had to take Ron to get his car from Thousand Oaks where they were working on it. It’s sooooo nice…I love it. I mean, before I didn’t really like Range Rovers. But I like his. It’s sooo nice inside. So many buttons…he let us drive it back to his house while he drove his truck. But there are tons of buttons and stuff inside. And the door handles are cool too. I just love that car. I mean, it costs as much as some people would spend on their house…but I like it. I will make him give it to me. If he doesn’t want me to sabotage his relationship with my mother…heh heh. Just kidding…or am I? Hmm… He was talking about how he lived in France for 6 years I think he said. That would be cool to go there with him. Mebbe we will. He already wants to take my mom places, as I mentioned in one of my other entries I think. Ireland he said. I wanna go…But I think we’re meeting up with him in Hawaii when we go there in December for Christmas. That should be cool. Omg he was telling me that he owns these seats for basketball games…Lakers I think? I dunno…not that into sports. But his seats are right next to the ones owned by the dude that sings for Smashing Pumpkins. Oh my god…I must go sometime. Must. Ugh….I feel sick for some reason. Blech. My GOD this was a long entry… (sorry) The End. (relieved?)