Valentine's Day. For once I'm not single...though I believe I probably should be. I suck. I have to be the worst girlfriend in the history of the world. Nay - the universe. And yes, Jordan. I know you told me so...I know it's my fault. For the record. But I suck. It's hard to explain...I don't know how to act around guys. Or men for that matter. Unless I have absolutely no attraction towards them whatsoever...then it's fine. But I'm not used to actually being nice to guys. I mean sure I'm nice to them...but not dating them nice that kind of thing. I have always rejected them. Or ignored them when they professed (? appropriate word?) their love for me, etc. I'm used to being cruel to guys...I don't exactly know why. It's just easier for me. And now I don't want to hurt him...but I don't know how to not hurt him? Does that make sense? I'm just a really sick person I think...and I should be alone. But I don't want to be? I like being around him. I just don't know how to be a good girlfriend. I suck. I didn't even really do anything for him for Valentine's Day. I'm just that lame. And I know he's probably starting to think (excuse me. he probably KNOWS) that I'm fucked up and is wondering how on earth he can get out of this thing. Something like that. I don't understand how he could possibly care for me. Uugh...but. Valentine's Day is over. Finally. Thank god. Hmm...what else could I put in here? I can't really think of anything...just know that I suck. Big time. I really like him...I just don't know how to say it... That is all.