sometimes despite how much i abhor the thought of actually saying yes to a real relationship and using the L word i want to know what it feels like to be remembered and thought about. to be the only girl he thinks about even when hes with another girl. to be the one he frets what she thinks and wants to be by her every second forgetting where they are at those moments. i want to be the reason he cant get to sleep. the girl he takes out to dinner. im not saying i dont get asked out to dinner, because i do, its that i dont always want every guy that comes along. ive never felt that "need" to be in a relationship. work and family have taken up most of that spare time.(i manage to get plenty of dates in, but i end up breaking it off bc its still not what im looking for. what am i looking for? im not sure, but ill know when it comes along. i think it would be nice. something pleasant. something unlike the nightmares and walking hormones ive had before. i refuse to be some guys sex slave or doormat. ive fallen in love with drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, but not in love(still unsure) and i still have enough respect for myself to wait for the right person. its all i have left.