wow. ive been noticing lately that ive not been myself. i barely speak a word to people (friends) or respond when someone says something. its like ive forgotten how. its gonna drive me crazy. i like speaking my mind and being goofy. but then again comes the shut down. theres always those few people who make me feel small when i do say something and i carry it with me and learn from it. but not in a good way. ive learned to not say anything at all. i think so much about what i say now. other than that i guess things are going ok. my grammy got out of the hospital. but shes not doing any better. its kind of scary. she means alot to me and im not ready to start letting go. i start college aug 10. im not excited anymore. bc ive decided i really dont want to waste two more years of my life sitting in valdosta getting my cores just so i can waste some more years of my life getting a degree to sit in valdosta until im 90 and wrinkly. ive come to this conclusion: i want to travel the world and enjoy life. i dont care how much money ill ever have or material things. i just want to be happy and i fill like i have this void that needs to be filled and valdosta just isnt filling in. my family thinks my dreams are too big, risky, and unrealistic, but im not afraid to make them possible. oh and i also went surfing this past weekend. i love it. its a very soulful sport. it felt good to wake up and put in some refused with the beach around the corner and the surfboards in the car. it felt liberating. im pretty sure i want to live down there. i have money in the bank and i prefer to use it for something great, a once in a lifetime thing, than use it for college. i believe getting an education is important. but what is it if your not happy?