my clock is ticking. i feel sick tonite. not a cough sick, but a nervous sick, for so long ive wanted to get out of here and now i am and i dont want to anymore. i really am going to miss this place afterall, but i feel like this is where i need to be, its just making those sacrifices that make it that much harder. i leave monday for boot camp. im so scared. so so scared. everything around me will be nothing familiar, it wont be home and it wont be easy, i know. i am going to miss meredith terribly, i guess its time to really test myself, ive never been completely on my own before or had to depend on myself, but now i will. i guess its just a growing process, it will take time to adjust and it will be hard but i can do it. being thousands of miles away from my family wont be easy either. weve been a team and so close for so long, they were my strength, im going to miss them soo much. especially my little brother. hes so amazing, and im scared i might miss something, miss him growing up. i dont know anymore.