so ive realized alot of my entrys are sad but i promise im not depressed, i have most good days,but like modest mouse said "your eyes must do some raining if your ever going to grow" and no drama in my life.its just easier to ouput these bad thoughts to a place other than my head where they will sit and spoil.. but today i definitely felt like kharma is back to bite me in the ass for something i dont know what though. first it seems the more i try to be responsible the worse things get. last night i tried to be home a little before curfew to show i care and get pulled over for an expired tag. LATE! today i tried to be to work early and come to find out one of my work shoes had been sucked up by the mall vacuum cleaner, so i have to leave to get another pair of shoes from a friend. LATE AGAIN!! then im unprepared and hit girl time 30 mins before i get off. I HAVE TO LEAVE EARLY!!! and then i cant even dip the damn potato salad to precise proportions. FUCK! i dont think i was meant to be do everything right. obviously. so yeah work and my losing streak is blowing by REAL slow. on another note. im still alone. its been a very long time since i can remember what it wasnt like. so long i dont remember what it was like to love or be loved. as the days go by i lose more and more hope. do i have a malfunction? ive never even known real love. i thought i did once but it wasnt.it taught me to hate. i dont know. i know love isnt everything, but what is the world to enjoy if theres no one to share it with. i pray for my one chance everynight. maybe i wasnt mean to be in love though. maybe i was meant for something more. i would just like to love and be loved. just once.