well im winding down to my last nine days here in baltimore at student company. ive started to separate myself from people already so that when i leave i wont really feel anything. a natural instinct of self protection i guess. ive constantly been back and forth with my feelings lately anyways. i think im emotionally drained. so i kinda need to do this. i dont really know how to feel about alot of stuff right now. but i wont let desperation to fix things or make drastic decisions get the best of me. i have two feet and i can stand on them. on my own. im not even gonna begin to express myself on the circumstance i spoke of once before, its been a little more than i wanted. a little bit of hell sometimes. i have no regrets though. you live and learn. i think i just wish things had been a little less complicated and maybe a little more time to love. i have no problem saying i loved him. i would never admit it to anyone else, but i had nothing to lose, and i gave everything. thats what life is about. living.