well. during second i went to go see mr. neufeld. i dropped english comp and online law. so, that means one more semester for me after this. it's okay, i'm alright with it. i called chris, and he's hanging out with ross. they're watching troy. he said he might see me for an hour later, which made me happier. he said he's proud of me for taking the initiative to go and organize my life (my interpretation of him saying he's proud). right now i'm sitting in the computer lab, not in choir, because there is testing today and i really don't know what to do. oh well, it's fine. so next semester i have to come back and take english comp, and then another course as well. rawr. i don't know what to take. but mr. neufeld said that if there's a comp class first, then to find something for second slot, or vice versa. he said that it wouldn't be a bad idea to take choir, but that i might not want to because it's all year, and he'd rather me be done by next january. jesus... next january? that seems so far away. that's almost a year, considering it's only february. but you know, i'd rather take the time to do this right than keep going on the track that i was on. i still have to find a job, and an apartment, but that's okay- i feel like i can do this now. it's just all so surreal. i mean, being all grown up is just four months away. there will be no one to tell me to do my homework, to tell me to wash the dishes, to get off the phone, to vacuum, etc, etc. it's kind of scary to know that i'm almost in full control of my life now. i told chris last night that i don't know if i'm ready to be grown up, to live on my own, to take care of myself. there's always been my parents to take care of me (even if they don't seem like it). i just find this all a little shocking to be on my own in less than half a year. how will i pay rent? how will i budget? i don't even eat very much now, so who will be there to tell me to eat something? who will tell me to be in on time? there will be no one there to guide me into adulthood, it'll be just me. just me.... that seems so lonely some how. but maybe i won't be alone. nattie said it would be a good idea to be room mates, which i think could work if we get a two bedroom place. i need my space sometimes, so that would be good. but it's going to be so hard to find an apartment that is close to the school so i can walk. i mean, i don't even want to think about all of the expenses that will be there. but perhaps i should. there will be food, a phone, the internet, smokes, girly needs, make up, laundry, hydro/water (depending on what's included), bus fare, school supplies, school clothes, shoes, student fees, shampoo, and all that other stuff. but i think it will work. i can schedule hours at the job i hope to get for the afternoon and into the evening, and it will be okay. i'm going to be okay! also, it's not like i'll be totally alone- i have my christopher. he's like this beacon of light in all this cloudiness. he's like the one thing that is for sure, even though i have my moments of insecurity. he tells me all the time that he loves me and such, and i believe him. he told me that he'll be here for me no matter what, so maybe this won't be so terrifying after all. there are people that will be there for me, whether i know it or not. i've accepted this life for what it is- crazy and mixed up. there is nothing that i can do to change the past, like go back in time and go to my grade eleven classes, so i might as well just accept it. this is my life, welcome to it. the one, the only, laura michelle*