grade 10, my dad put me into the ib program. that was alright, but i suck at math, so i was dropped from ib math in january. they wouldn't let me take another math, so i was short a credit from grade 10. grade 11, depression hits. woot for being sad. i wrote a lot in my journal/binder, which i read now and don't remember a lot of. i worked at dimark research inc., cried in the bathroom, cut myself, took the bus home, wrote some more, and cried myself to sleep at night. second semester grade 11, i stayed home in the mornings, in my room, in the dark, cried, went to school around ten thirty, sat at the tables with my friends, sometimes alone, smoked, cried, wrote, etcetera. i failed two of three classes that i had (math and music prod). i was so depressed and alone that i became attached to someone who didn't even want me, which hurt more than i ever thought it would. summer after grade 11, i slept a lot, smoked a lot, got drunk a lot, tried to die. one time i was lying in the middle of marion street, waiting for a car to hit me. my friends were depressed, one tried to kill herself, almost succeeded, but got through it. grade 12, i had to take grade 11 math, failed psych, dropped a few classes because i was stressed out. now, i am taking three classes- lit, trans, and choir, and i'm still stressed. i know i'm not graduating, i knew this in grade 11, but that's not a problem for me. i'm taking my time, and that's fine with me, my parents, my friends, my ta, even the principal. everyone does things differently, and that's nothing new. also, having adhd makes it harder to learn things, which also had an impact on my passing certain classes. depression, loneliness, apathy, adhd, all these things added together makes it hard to do things. but no one really wants excuses, do they? you think you know me, but you don't. even if you read every entry on this site, you still won't know everything that makes me the way that i am. why don't people ask? because, they think they know, they assume they're right, but the truth is that nobody knows anyone until they're told what really happened. i have a councillor, did anyone know that? her name is lisa, and i haven't been to see her since september because i've been better than i ever remember being. things are going fine for me now. i have a few friends that i can trust, i have a wonderful boyfriend that loves me and that i love too, my parents are okay with me not graduating in june (but i will next january) my sister and i are better friends than we were a year ago, and i'm happy. i'm planning on moving out at the end of june, next year i'm going to university, this summer i'm going camping, i'm feeling better about the way that i look, and i feel fine. life is good for me right now, why do people try to say things that ruin that? the one, the only, laura michelle*