i am sitting here in the basement at chris's, and there's no one home but me and the monte cat. chris went to work, so did gary, and dawn is at an appointment. i'm all alone. there's nothing like solitude to make you wonder about things. it's funny though, because you start to think about things that you don't even want to. nevermind. it's all just worrying and what not. well, actually, since i've started to write about it, why not? i was thinking about how chris and his ex went out for such a long time. and then i was thinking 'i wonder if their relationship was a lot like ours is?'. then i was thinking about how they broke up, and i was wondering if our relationship is like how their's was, then we'll break up too. but then i thought about how she was a cheating whore, and that i've never cheated on anyone in my life, and that i look down on cheaters as almost the worst people in the world. so then i thought, hey, he loves me, i love him, i'd never do that to him, and he'd never do that to me, so we're all right. monte is playing with a bag. i'm so bored! jesus murphy, i've never been this bored in a long time. okay, onto another topic. people are weird. people are just plain strange. it's funny how you can be good friends with someone and then they can just forget you and move on to their new friends and leave you in the dust. lovely. i just love being forgotten, it's the best feeling ever! sarcasm, in case you didn't notice. i hate being alone. i should have went with dawn when they left, at least then i wouldn't be sitting here in the dark thinking about how lonely i am. i miss my mum too. i've seen her only a couple times since i've moved out, and now her and chris hate each other. so yeah, it's difficult to go there and leave chris by himself. *sigh* life is complicated. so i was sitting at the park with chris, and we had gotten into a fight, and then it turned into something completely different. i was talking about how i don't want to deal with people anymore, and that life is just full of bullshit, and that i don't want to deal with any of it anymore. then chris said that i was sounding suicidal. i didn't even mean to sound that way. here i am, thinking i'm better, and that i'm happy, and then i get talking, which turns into rambling, and i end up sounding like i want to kill myself. maybe i am insane. 1238 pm i need a lighter. i have a smoke, but no lighter. this sucks. i shall be back.... after i find a lighter. 1242 pm okay, so a stove works just as good as a lighter. i wonder what all the people i used to know are doing? i wonder what nat did on her birthday? i wonder if anyone even cares about anyone they went to school with? they say you're only friends with about five people you went to school with ten years after they all leave. well, what if you were only friends with about five people? does that mean you'll be friends with them always? i doubt it. i mean, people go away for the summer, and then you lose touch. people graduate before you, and they make new friends in university. people don't call, and you've lost their number, and then they lose your number, and that's that. and then there are the people you love with all your heart, and they get lost and you can't find them no matter how hard you try. life is funny. i think i've said that already. there are no words left in me right now. the one, the only, laura michelle*