"Please forgive me If I act a little strange For I know not what I do. Feels like lightning running through my veins Everytime I look at you" Well today something I had been fearing for about 2 weeks now finally come to fruitition, and it just feels pretty crappy. I had been ready for in in a manner of ways, but it hit me hard where it really counts, I'd never show it, never talk about it, but on the inside theres so much going on it would make your head spin. Things like this have happened before, it won't make someone happy to hear it, but I do have a point. This is the second time someone has taken back "I love you" before, and it really sucked, but the first time it happened I didn't really care, that girl that said that was a rebound to me, which is why the first thing that popped into my head was that I'm a rebound. I've heard the, it's not you it's me thing, more times then I care to count, but I know this time it was really ment. I don't even really know altogether what I'm writing, I'm just writing everything that I'm feeling. This time around with this one, everything felt way different, it's taken people a year to get to where shes gotten in just one month. In one month she broke down all my walls, got to know all of me, and I allowed myself to completely 100% trust her, which I have never done with a single person in my life, not even one of my best friends that I have known for over 10 years, they are still years away from getting to the closeness I had with her. And I know it seems stupid to be so hurt over something that if people saw they'd just say was a fling, but it was so, so much more. She just has so much going on, and I don't want to stand in the way of that, but at the same time I do, and I don't understand why, but I'm glad I listened to reason and I didn't stand in her way, I never held her back, I never did anything. I wasn't the asshole Jeremy that I had been in every single one of my relationships before, she helped allow me to become a way better person, someone who could actually be happy, all the time, even though I just said today that people can't be happy all the time, well, honestly I was. It only was for a few months, but those few months only feel like a few days, and I just really want to really see her right now, but I know even if I do, I wouldn't allow myself to do anything, because it would confuse her, and make this harder for her, I just want to take all of this upon myself, just so she can be happy and go on doing what shes doing. That's the bottom line for me, I just want her to be happy. If she said she'd wait for me until she was ready, and then when she was ready and found someone else, in my heart I wouldn't care because it would make her happy, and thats all I want. I'm sounding like an emo kid right now probably but it's the fact that she just has given me a feeling I've never gotten before, but I know the feeling isn't mutual, which is where it really hurts. It's just every time I look at her, or think about her, or talk to her, or anything, I still get butterflies, even now. Even when we were both really sad and mad at each other and we just weren't doing too good, every single time I got a text message and opened up my phone to one of her texts it always put a smile on my face, no matter what was going on or anything. She is honestly the girl of my dreams, I can say that, she is everything I look for in a girl, shes driven, determined, knows what she wants, caring, forgiving, when something bothers her, she lets people know, when she is hurting, she won't let it show, shes very tough but at the same time shes very fragile, and just saying one word can just bring down her whole mood. While at the same time saying a bunch of hurtful things that would bring other girls to tears, she just brushes it off. She has the strength I wish I had, she was my strength when I needed it, whatever I lacked, she had, whatever she lacked, I had, we fit together like a puzzle piece. But I suppose it's just wrong timing, and I'm someone that has very bad timing, it's been proven time and time again, and here is another time it's been proven. I have a lot more to say but I dunno how to say it right now, so just keep checking up if you want to know and it will eventually all be here. I know by saying this, some may just say "ohh hes only saying that because they just broke up". But I honestly mean this when I say that I will wait for that girl of my dreams, however long it takes, I will wait for her, because I'm always going to want her. I may date other girls in the meantime, sorry to say but I'm being honest, but in the back of my mind whoever I'm dating won't compare to her at all, and I can say that right now and know it to be true for the future ahead, and even if I'm dating, I can say right now, if she comes to me and says shes ready to give it another shot with me. I'll just say with a smile "it's about time :)".