I fucked up. I fucked up pretty bad. I don't think anyone or anything can make this better now. I'm ashamed, pissed at myself, and I just really fucked up. I'm certain now that every problem that has plagued me, is in some way mainly my fault, every one. I just can't be happy can I, I ALWAYS have to do something, I'm not at strong as I thought I was, not even close, at all, instead, I'm actually very self destructive. I may have just sacrificed my career with the army. Fuck.