So, I'm feeling ridiculously good. Takes me back to the time when I went to the recruiting station and FSgt. Hunn said "You look like a load of bricks have just been lifted from your shoulders." That's when I met with the Major there, and talking to him and the FSgt., it just removed all of my fears, it made me for sure in my decision. So again, I feel like a load of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders, and I feel truly happy and content, even right now I have a smile on my face. Everything just seems to be working, everything seems to be good, even if something doesn't seem good at first, I look beneath and it turns out to be good. I don't have anything right now, I have one person I can talk to right now occasionally when she can deal with it, and some friends I hang out with when we have something for sure to do or we're going to party, and that's it, and that doesn't bother me at all, I feel happy with everything going on with me. Like tonight, I feel that this last year has really matured me and made me grow up, I mean tonight, I had the chance to hook up with my ex, I knew I could have if I wanted to, but instead, I kept a promise, I told someone I would call them at 1, so I did, and I don't regret it, I would rather help a friend in their time of need, then feed my pleasure. I'm finally proud of myself. I've been waiting years for this, I'm proud of the person I'm becoming, I don't lie anymore, I don't stretch the truth, I don't manipulate people for my own need, I let things turn out as they will, and I help people as much as I can. I have a lot to make up for, I've done a lot of things in my life which have resulted in my constant depression and sadness, because I just couldn't live with myself. But now I'm finally becoming a good person, and I have some good things to look back on, that I can be proud of, that I can look back on and say "I did the very best I could, and I tried to be the biggest and best person I could, and I'm very proud of myself for that." My mother told me, that no one can be happy with you, until your happy with yourself, and, I'm writing this with a smile, I'm finally happy with myself, I'm happy with the person I'm becoming. Like today, I was telling my dad how I wanted to go into the medical field in the military, and he just went off, saying how nothing needs more schooling then medical, and that I'm too lazy and too much of a fuck up (word for word) to do it, and that I can't do it, it's that I won't. And instead of just arguing with him, I just decided to be the bigger man and just say nothing. Funny how a 19 year old with almost no life experience can be the bigger man then a 53 year old with 146 IQ and a incredibly amount of life experience. I'm smiling, and it's a real smile, no one that I just smile because of the moment, I'm smiling because I am really happy, and I'm proud of myself, I'm healed, I'm better, I'm not sad anymore, I don't wanna fight anymore with anyone, I've come to peace with who I am, and who others are, and it has given me a peace I have never known before, I can finally go back on my computer and play my retarded game and actually wanna play it, I can go outside and really enjoy everything. I feel alive, I feel like I can really beat anything. A lot of this a certain girl can take credit for, shes really helped me, and I don't know if she knows it, but I really appreciate her, with everything she has done. And the more I think about it, I really like the idea of being a really good friend of hers. I'm just really excited to see where I go from here, because I know that I'll be happy where ever I go.