I've just been thinking way too much today. Too much for my own good. It feels like that if I don't join the army, I'll be letting myself and my country down, because I do want to put myself on the line in order for everyone to be safe, I suppose being a rescue diver, is exactly the same in that sight. I don't know, if I don't go, I'll eventually think "what if", but if I do, I'll be miserable, so I'm going to pick the lesser of the two, and go into the coast guard. I absolutely believe in the war with Afganistan, and if that was all that was going on, then I'd go in a heartbeat, but with Iraq...that just shouldn't have happened, and I refuse to go someplace where I could fight and quite possibly die, just because of some bureaucratic bullshit, so, I hope, I really hope to god, that becoming a rescue diver is enough help. I'm just trying to everyone, and mainly just myself, that I can really make a difference, I've always wanted to make a difference, with everything, I'm just obsessed with helping people, I was never helped when I was younger, and I really went through hell, and I want to rescue everyone from hell, whether it's depression, or they're going to drown in an ocean, I want to save them...