So, I spent the weekend with my cousin, and friends, and I havn't slept since saturday night because I've been so god damn busy and just been partying really, my cousin Josh leaves for the army tomorrow afternoon, and I wanted one last time for us to get drunk and party as civilians. And I had a very long conversation with him, and I realized saturday night, not being around my family, and barely knowing them, was actually an act of god, and a miracle. Because both sides of my family are very violent, and at least half the people on both sides get involved with crime seriously. And as I was talking to Josh, I said "Dude, if me and you grew up together, we'd have quite an impressive rap sheet, and probably be in jail." And I think it's true, if I had grown up with my step brothers, my brother Jason, and my cousins Sean and Josh, I'm 99% sure, that'd we'd be into serious crime. So, I guess, ignorance is bliss sometimes, not knowing my family is probably one of the best things thats ever happened to me, but, it's also sad, because I don't know my family. But, that's how it usually goes with me, something really crappy has to happen for something really great to happen, like not knowing my family, or losing a girl that I'm still just crazy about to find out who I am, and the kind of person I'm becoming. But, at least I take from everything, I've had to completely breakdown myself the last month or so, in order to rebuild myself properly, the way I wanted to. But, as with everything, I've always had help, and this time was no exception, and I'm just really glad I had the help this time, because if I didn't have the help, I honestly don't think I would have made it, she literally saved my life, just the constant encouragements, and straining herself in order to figure out how to help me, and always trying to figure out the best thing for me, and it was amazing because no ones ever done that before, and that's what I really needed in order to be saved, and I have been saved, shes my savior, the person holding up my shield. And I've tried lying to myself, but I'm going to put this down on here, so that I can finally be honest with myself with it...I still love her, still IN love with her, I think shes simply amazing, gorgeous, cute, pretty, and great, and the best thing that ever happened to me, I think that shes that one, the one I can spend every minute with and not get bored, can spend 5 minutes away and already miss her. I have something else that I want to be honest about, but I'm not ready to admit it. Shes the one that can make me happy by just talking to me, takes all my pain away, just makes me feel really great about myself. Shes my wonder wall. I really think shes that one... But, even though I still feel that way bout her, I've got another chance with someone else right now, so I'm going to take it, and hopefully it's worth it. It starts slow