I know I said I'd stay off this shit, but, it's the best way to write down my feelings and see how I've been improving I suppose So pretty much I've decided, because I want to go to USC and live there, and that's gonna cost me a pretty penny to do, so I've decided the best way to go, is the army, be a doctor in there, and if your a doctor in the army your a surgeon, so do that, and when I get out I'll have about 100k for college, so I can be going to college getting my M.D. while working at a hospital as a surgical resident making a decent amount of cash, so it works, and thats what I'm gonna do. But for present things, it's going alright. I realized that I'm still trying to hold onto things, like my past, how I had fun then, and I'm afraid to just move forward, pretty much because I know I'll never be able to just sit around all day with someone and just talk again for a very long time once I get my life going, and so I'm just sitting around trying to avoid it, the bottom line is, every bad feeling that I'm having nowadays is pretty much all my fault, mainly because I'm just afraid to move forward, because I'm afraid I'll lose what I had with whatever or whoever, but as someone has pretty much instilled in me, if it's meant to happen, like your meant to stay friends, or meant to get back together, or meant to never talk again with a friend, then it'll happen, but I also believe in order to make any of that happen you have to put in the effort to make it happen, so everything that's happened I'm going to just put it past me and move on. But with that said, I've also realized, the only reason I'm sad, or upset, or whatever, is simply because I'm alone, it was always the reason I was sad, I hate being alone, but oh well. And speaking of being alone, I've been talking to a girl that broke up with me like 2 years ago, yet I'm still finding myself sitting here thinking of her every now and then, it's strange, maybe I'm not over her as I thought? I dunno, doesn't make sense, our relationship wasn't the best, and we fought pretty often, but the kind of person she was is the kinda person I would wanna be with. Hmm, we'll let's just wait and see what comes of things. And for what it's worth, I'm really sorry about everything, and about being dumb, and I really appreciate everything you've done for me, and I really think we can become really good friends, maybe more? I dunno, I doubt it, so I just wanna work on being friends with you, and then work on being best friends with you, because we can be, I just need some time and then I'll be okay and we can be friends, good good friends I'm thinking 'bout other things I heard about today All this week and tomorrow And how these hands can create some better things for bettering but you see for now I got my own things I can't help it I got too many issues I own So I cannot help I'm afraid, yeah But keep on preaching, preaching and heal the world Lip service makes us look great Do you feel The weight of the world singing sorrow Or to you is it just not real Cause you got your own things Yeah we all have our things I guess I guess my mind wanders off from time to time Sometimes I convince myself that all is fine in the world It's not mine Why should I have to try to fix things I didn't create or contrive Do you feel The weight of the world singing sorrow Or to you is it just not real Cause you got your own things Yeah we all have so many things Have the habits Had you Has it been for long Can you feel the souls behind what's going on Do you feel The weight of the world singing sorrow Or to you is it just not real Cause you got your own things Yeah we all have our things Do you feel The weight of the world singing sorrow Or to you is it just not real Cause you got your own things Cause we all have so many things And I can get past these things Ohh