I have discovered something about myself. From the onset of all the weird shit that has been happening to me lately, I have really discovered the strength of my heart. A bunch of shitty things, all happened to me at once, and I thought I was just done in, and EVERY time, I pulled through, my heart wouldn't let me give up. I now know my limits, which, there are none, it's all about your heart. It just, really amazes me how strong my heart is, I'm not over anything that has happened to me, but I'm past everything, and I'm moving forward. I still have the raw feelings, but right now it's like my heart is a total other person, standing behind me telling me to run faster when I slow down, screaming get up when I fall down, and yelling just a few more feet, but never letting me finish, which I hope I never finish, I hope to just keep going, and going, until I can see that perfect finish in sight. If I set my heart to it, I can do it. I'm in this alone, for the long haul, but, that doesn't matter, all that matters is how strong I am. I'm glad I'm discovering all of this now, because now I know I can really do my medical training. Because that schedule is true hell, if anyone thinks that they have it bad, try waking up at 6 am every day, doing physical training for 4 hours, the mundane stupid shit like laundry, labor, all that shit, and then from 12pm to 6:30pm EVERY DAY, sitting in a classroom learning about medical stuff, they cram about 2 weeks of med school in every day, by the time I'm done with the 4 month program, I'll be at the level of a 2nd year resident with 4 years of med school. And I don't know why, but I have always pictured myself being the military type, it just seems like second nature to me pretty much. Ever seen those army commercials, where the back of a plane opens and theres a guy standing there, just waiting? I've always wanted to be that guy, I've always wanted to be the guy that had the balls, to go into a warzone, and do my job, and do it great, no other job even seems remotely interesting to me, except for, being in the army, so, it's what I'm going to do. I won't have a life at all, especially during my training, but that doesn't matter to me, because theres a medic saying, and I already believe it, because I have the heart to believe it and put into it, and it goes "There is never anything too difficult to complete, and there is no sacrifice too great." Which is true, when it comes to what your heart wants, and what your dreams are, and what you truly, honestly want, nothing is too difficult, and NO sacrifice, is too great, and if for ONE SECOND, you doubt yourself, and think, maybe it is too much, and too difficult, then honey, get the hell out of the kitchen, because another cook needs to be making dinner, and you don't belong there at all. It scares me because it will be hard, but I know I can do it, no problem. Birthday day in 33 minutes, I'll probably drop off the face of the earth for the next few days :).