What a shitty birthday. Only presents I got; A 12 pack of beer, and a sped up ship out date, instead of 2 months, it's 2 weeks now. Honestly, I don't want to sound vain or like an ass, but I at least expected people to come out and hang out with me. And, had yet another hit to my great heart. She was so incredibly shitty to me, it's unbelievable, on my birthday too. I probably brought it on, since I kept insisting, and asking, but hey, that's just who I am, I have to know what's going on. But, it's just shitty, I mean she admitted that she was wrong and all that, but still, it can really devastating to someone when you promise them that you'll always be there for them, and that you want them to continue to stay in your life, then just a month later, say that you just don't want to talk to them anymore, then another month later, just completely write them off, when ALL they want to know, is why you don't want to talk to them, and you still don't even really tell them, I mean, she couldn't even talk to me for my own birthday, instead, drops this bombshell, the ONLY thing I wanted as my birthday wish, was to just, talk to her, that was it, and she couldn't even do that. But still, it's not her fault, people change, things change, and EVERYBODY lies. Funny thing is, I actually thought that she was someone who wouldn't lie to me. Oh man, I was wrong, I really believed her when she said she'd be there for me, but hey, I've been wrong before, and I'm wrong now. I don't know why shes trying to just completely push me out of her life, and I probably won't know for a while. I just hope, I hope to god, that she comes to peace with it by the time I leave for the army. My trip to san jose has been canceled, because now I'm going into the army in two weeks instead. It just saddens me, because now I'm going to be doing the hardest thing of my life, completely by myself. In a supporting way, she was the other side of my heart, the part that always says you can do it, and all that, but now I don't have that anymore, and it's just me, so it's going to be really hard. I dunno, I guess I just don't mean as much as she said I did, I don't know, and I know if she reads this she'll get pissed at me for saying that, but, hey, thats her fault, because lately shes just treated me like I was just a piece of shit right now, and just acts like she doesn't even give a fuck what happens to me, I mean, I've told her time and time again that I need her, and I need her support, I don't need her as a girlfriend, god knows the very LAST thing I want, is a girlfriend, especially going into the military, I wouldn't even think of having one, but what I do need, is her support, because her support has gotten me through some really tough times, and I even told her that, and all I said is I want some letters, and to show up to my training graduations. Honestly, if I paid for that, is that too much to ask? According to her, it is. I don't see how it is, writing letters of encouragement to help someone through the toughest time of their life, then showing up at their graduation to show your admiration and how proud of them you are? I don't think thats much to ask at all, I'd do that for her in a heartbeat, yet she wouldn't do it for me. I guess, I just trusted her too much, my trust in everyone has been completely shattered because of her, I know it must seem like I'm blaming her for a lot of things, but if you told someone, that they were the only person you had, and they KNEW it, and they still bailed on you, you'd be pretty pissed too. I'm just disappointed, I honestly thought that she was better then all of this, and she would actually treat me with dignity and respect, and actually try to give me at least SOME support, rather then none. But whatever, it doesn't matter anymore, nothing really does, in 2 weeks I ship out, a week later, I go to basic, 10 weeks after that, I go to AIT for my medic training, then after that, I get some leave, which I'm going to skip, then, I get to go to Iraq, or most likely, Afghanistan. So, looks like I'm going to have a fun time I guess. It's more then likely going to be a 8-14 months tour. This one goes out to you, it pisses the the hell off, and I have no idea why, but even though you've treated me like shit, you've been one of the crappiest friends I've had lately, and you have become, one of "those" girls you were afraid of becoming, and just left me out in the cold... I still forgive you. I really hope that means something to you, means a lot to me, hopefully nowadays you still have a heart, because lately it seems like you just don't care about anything, it just seems like you've given up on school, and only just hang out with friends, just seems like you only do what you want to do, nothing wrong with that, but it's incredibly selfish, what happened to the girl that always gave a few minutes for a friend? Or the one that tried as hard as she could for school? Or the one that tried her very hardest to always stick to her morals and convictions, no matter what happened? I miss that girl, but even more, I'm incredibly disappointed in you because it seems that girl has gone, your going down a bad path, I hope you can find that out for yourself, don't betray your morals and convictions, because, if you don't have those, then, you have nothing as a person, and, sorry to be blunt, but if you can't stick to your morals, your a sorry excuse for a person. Not saying that you are all that, but, it seems like your going down that path (again, I might add, history repeats itself unless you recognize whats happening). If you want your presents, please give me your mailing address, I want to get rid of them, and no, I'm not going to throw them away or give them away. And, when I ship out, I'm going to be gone for a MINIMUM, for at least a year, maybe even as long as two years, so if you want to see me, and actually try to be friends, or just see me, better speak up soon. Please remember, I wasn't trying to be mean in any of this, I hate that I'm forgiving you so soon and easily, because, you really do not deserve it, not trying to be mean, but it's the truth but, for who you are, I do forgive you. Just remember, I'm just putting all my thoughts on here, and I'm not trying to be mean. And if you don't talk to me, or don't want to see me, consider this my goodbye for when I ship out Jenna, maybe some day, years from now, you'll actually be nice to me, and we can be friends.