last night from 11 to nearly 2 am i was writing... just letting my thoughts spew forth. i dont' know whether iam clearernow or more confused... accepting things i think though. its jsut hard... i don't know what's going on.. what to do. i don't know mucho f anything anymore. my knee is ugly.. my wrist is ugly.. my knee stings. and i really should use my thimble. my fingers are full of tiny little holes and wehther you want to believe it or not, none of them were intentional. i hate needles. i've been doing too much thinking anyway and i should stop now. i may post a slightly edited version of what i wrote... but maybe not. its really long. like 8 computer pages.