Well, I'm happy to say that I didn't smoke any marijuana today. I know that to many people it seems like an easy thing to say, but for a while there that was my main activity for the day. For me, its a big step. For me, its something that needed to happen. I mean, smoking weed was all I really had planned for the day. Everything else was just leading up to the point when I could go smoke. I'm tired of living like that. I'm tired of only enjoying my life when I am high. I'm not trying to tell anyone else to stop or anything. By all means, if you are happy doing what you are doing keep doing it. However, it got to the point where I wasn't happy doing it all of the time. I felt high more often than I felt hungry. The worst part was that I didn't mind. I just didn't care. Who is to say that I have really quit? Who's to say I really care now? I have only lasted one day. Tomorrow I could be smoking again, for all I know. Thats whats so illogical about saying you have quit something. Quiting something means you will never do it again. No one really knows what the future will bring. Furthermore, no one can really control the future. Therefore, stating that you will NEVER do something again is just the same as saying you will never wake up again. You don't really know. Even the things that you think you control are subject to the change of events that occur. At one point, I thought I'd never smoke pot at all. Obviously that didn't happen. What it comes really comes down to is that we in fact no nothing about future selves. Because we are constantly changing, constantly becoming something new, we are unable to judge what it is that we will become. Who we are is always subject to change at any given moment. So, in summary, I'm not saying that I've quit. I'm just saying that I've stopped for as long as I can stave off smoking weed. This, to many people, may sound like a cop out. It sounds a bit like I'm starting to make it easier for myself to start smoking. It sounds like I'm rationalizing the possiblity of smoking again. I assure you, I am not. I am merely pointing out the fact that I don't know the future and that I shouldn't claim to know what I am going to do when that future becomes the present. I'm not sure if anyone is following this or even if it makes any sense to anyone but myself. However, I am saying that it make sense to me and, when it really comes down to it, I'm the only audience that matters. I am the only one who really has any control over my opinion, so whatever thoughts anyone has on what I am saying is irrelavent. I'm not saying that outside thoughts don't have an effect on my opinion. In fact, I enjoy hearing other opinions, even opposite opinions than my own. What I am saying is that any real thought or opinion I have is caused by me and no one else except me. I, as everyone esle, have complete editorial review over what I think. I believe what I want to believe. I do what I feel is in my best interest to do. I am who I think I am. If we are who we think we are, we can control who we become. That is my reasoning for cleaning up. I am a firm believer in doing things for your own reason, and I have found mine. I want to become something new. Something different. Something better. And it is my belief that marijuana is hindering me from doing this. I think this is my fourth entry on pretty much the same subject, but for one reason or another I didn't think that I had gotten my entire thought process out in the other three. Maybe now I am satisfied. Maybe now things will be better. Maybe now I can find what I'm looking for. Maybe now I will be happy. Maybe now I can finally move on with my life. Maybe now.... ______________________________________________ P.S. I need to post all of these song lyrics: "Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right It's all right"