I think I'm going to quit smoking for a while. I also think I am going to start running again. I think its time for a change. I think its time to try something new. And I'm getting to be unhealthy. I feel almost as though my habits have become all I have. Its becoming a depressing thing. Its becoming something I no longer want to be a part of. Its just finally time to move on. This summer will be a whole new experience. I'm ready to move on with my life. This will prove to be exceptionally difficult with 4/20 coming up. I need to be strong, though. I need to be like I used to be. I need to be motivated. I need to find a reason. My reason is that I am no longer changing. I fear that in the lifestyle that I am living is one that squanders growth. I need to grow as a human. I've realized that. My motivation is that I need to always be growing as a human being. I need to always better myself. I need to always be adapting new things into my life. I do not believe that the substance abuse that has become my existence will allow me to do so. It is time that I grew up a little bit. Its almost a sad thing when you say it like that. I never wanted to think of myself as too old to act a certain way, but its time I made my distinctions. My moral code has come to question. I must do what it is that I feel able to cope with. Thats all a moral code really is. Will you be able to live with yourself if you make this decision? Will that little voice echoing your insecurities let you move on with your life? I say fuck the moral code. If I'm going to do this its not going to be because my conscience will be my guide. No crickets here. I will do this because I legitimately want to be this new person. It is simply longevity of the quality of life that I've decided to be more important than momentary stimulations and exitations. Its time to move on. Its time to change.