Sometimes I wonder what I'm really doing in the grand scheme of it all. What is left thats really worth fighting for? I mean, I spend so much time pensing over and over about all of these what I consider to be "deep thoughts," but yet, I never come up with any real answers. I mean I debate left and right with people all the time on whether theres a God, what is true, what is real, whether war is ever justified, and every other impossible question, but in the end, I really never have a deffinite conclusion. Thinking of this in terms of anything, but an abstract view would lead certainly to insanity. I am like a math proffessor working a million problems at once and never coming up with a solid numerical answer. He goes through all of the theories known to mathmatics and even comes up with a few good ones of his own, but he never gets that satisfaction of knowing he is finished. Its like being eternally stuck on an equation that you will never know the answer to. The only thing I can compare it to is trying to write out the decimal form of Pi for the rest of your life. You will go on and on and on, until you just can't go on anymore. This seems to be equivilent to philosophy. I can think and think and think about what the answers are, until I just simply can no longer think. My answer is simply not out there. Its almost absurd really. It seems like a waste of energy. But then I am left with another puzzle. If this is a waste of energy, then what isn't?! Which just leads me down that same fucking path I've been on. What does it all fucking mean?! I'm pissed off with this life. In all cases in life we use what we call "rational thought," but when it comes down to it, life itself is irrational because no meaning can be found. No answer can be proven and no conclusion can be drawn as to what meaning there is to life. This is the moment when my Bible-thumping counterpart jumps in and says "If you live for God, there is meaning." Bullfuckingshit. God is as well irrational as life is. If we've not meaning in this life, what is the meaning of the next life? The glory and worship of God? Or the eternal pleasure of heaven? If we worship God all of our lives to get to heaven, when we get there, what purpose is there to worship God? Because of the pleasure he gives us eternally, right? But why should we feel eternal pleasure? What gives us pleasure if in the end we've nothing left to aspire to? If we no longer have anything better to become, what is the meaning of our next life? And another problem with this Christian theory: God created everything, God created us, who created God? And why? What is God's meaning of life? Eventually, rational thought leaves us behind yet again. So, using rational thought, I have successfully proven that rational thought fails. So what the fuck am I left with?! I'm still here at block fucking one with no answers. So now I'm going to do something that I was unable to do on any other question that I have pondered. I am going to make a goddamn conclusion. What is this big epiphany you ask? There IS no meaning to life. Its all purposeless. We live, we die, and all that is for sure is that nothing is for sure. Please, if you have any comments or suggestions, tell me. Correct me. Show me an answer because I cannot find one. In fact, I beg you to prove me an idiot. Prove me inane so at least I can excuse myself for not understanding. ______________________________________________ Not to change focus or anything, but I'm affraid I have to put this on here. I should put this on another entry, but I'm too lazy. This fooled me for a while. Check these pics out for yourself. These ARE naked pictures, so if you aren't 18, look at them anyhow!