well this morning was a real bust.. ryan finally talked to me after 4 months.. i found out why he hasnt talked to me.. i guess he doesnt understand how i feel.. and he obviously doesnt care about me anymore.. he said to me "u know i will still have sex with u"... if that didnt hurt enough.. i asked him basicly why he did this to me and cause me so much pain.. and his responce was: i have to go to bed i have a long day tomorrow; bye. i expected that responce.. but then again.. i didnt. i thought after all that he did to me he would tell me why he did it. he also said it was a "complicated answer". but he knows im a complicated person.. i would get it. i duno.. i was kinda hoping that he would email me and tell me the answer, but i guess not.. i can really pick the winning guys.. why cant i just find someone who is my age and has a heart.. i guess thats too hard.. i guess i dont deserve it.. i duno.. oh life blows.. *gives life the finger*.. *sigh*