i feel so used and stupid.. how does this keep happeneing to me? its like im wearing a sign on my forehead that says "im stupid, take advantage of me!".. i hung out with ryan o. and justin today.. and apparently ryan and hi gf broke up and he comes crawling to me. and i turn him down.. cause thats just nasty. but then he gets a call from his ex gf and they get back together.. i just feel so stupid.. nothing raelly happened but what if i said yes? would he have cheated on me? and then i justin took me home. and i talked to him about it.. and i asked him if he believes in love.. and he said no.. and i asked him why.. and it turns out that he had a relationship with a girl for 6 years and for the last 2 of them she was cheating on him.. and i guess i was kinda dropping a hint that im not like that. but i dont think he and i would ever go out.. its just.. not there i guess.. but he would make a really good bf. im not saying that cause i love him or anything.. but i understand him.. he just seems like a good guy.. i duno.. im just.. im so sick of being lied to and cheated.. its getting really old.. and really painful. i dont understand what it is about me that people would wanna hurt me. i just dont get it. its bullshit though. i may hate myself but im a good person. and people judge me on my past.. and i dont do that shit anymore.. none of it. but i am who i am. what i did in my past is just.. in my past.. i dotn know what to do anymore.. its just all bullshit.