*sigh*.. theres so much to say.. but there are not words.. im living with jennifer now.. and for the most part thats a good thing. its just.. i feel so much in the way. and i know she says that im not in the way and she wants me here.. but actions speek louder than words. and its not just her. its her friends and her family. i just.. i dont feel like people want me here.. but i cant go home.. i just cant. i wont be able to take it. god knows what would happen.. like, today.. when she and i were cleaning out our room, i accidentally cut myself on something in her room. the cut is about 1 1/4 inches long and its on my rist. and i looked at it cause it was hurting, and i liked it. i liked to feel that physical pain rather than my emotional pain. and i dont know, but isnt that a bad sign? i duno.. i have to admit that its hard to not cut anymore.. it shouldnt be but it is.. i feel like im loosing my mind. like.. literally loosing my mind. like i should be in an asylum or something.. god, why is this always happening to me? i mean, i know other people hurt. but.. its just.. it keeps piling on and i cant really handle it anymore. it doesnt seem like my meds are working that well either. and thats deffinately NOT good. someone once told me that my depression is all in my head and that im just thinking that im sick or something... well.. it IS all in my head. its called a chemical imbalance in the brain. but its not like i want myself to be this way! why would someone want to feel like they have a handicap and they cant help themselves? *sigh*.. its just like there is no way out of this pain. and it really sucks, cause i dont know if i can handle this anymore..