i feel so alone.. its funny how your happiness can just disappear in an instant.. its funny how your feelings can take over your life. makes you never want to be happy.. never want to love.. never want to be alive.. but happiness is so addicting. i dont know what i would be if i werent always looking for what makes me happy.. i would probably be happy. but.. i feel like im just missing something.. and i thought i found that missing piece.. i was happy.. i was alive.. i had a life. i forgot about how my life was.. i was just.. happy being who i am. but now.. its gone.. and i cant help but think he's going to be gone forever.. why is it that something so complex and good can take so much more than it can give? i know i would make a good girlfriend to him. i just.. i feel it. i know its there. i just dont know what he's so scared of. all i wanted was him. all of him. his impurities, his faults, his perfect personality.. him. i was and still am willing to deal with everything that came our way. the insecurities could become secure, the ties could be cut showing its true self, to be free yet always there.. to be together and happy.. thats all i want.. him. im sorry if my writing this hurts some..