i've been really tired lately. i've gained so much weight its not even funny.. however, i've decided that i will lose 20 lbs by may. hopefully i can do it so that i can fit comfortably into my prom dress. and back into my old clothes. prom is going to be the shit! sean and i are going together. how sweet is that? caitlin and i are going to get our hair done together and shes going to do my makeup.. i might accesorize her dress if i can. or if she hasnt already. yes, prom is in may, but you have to schedual these things early. its crazy how booked up people get! hopefully ill look ok.. it just hit me that i cant dance. oh damn.. i mean, i know i cant dance.. but why am i going to prom if i cant dance? anyway.. i've been going to church these past couple weeks with my friend sarah c. she's a really cool girl. i've started to believe in god again.. but i duno. i believe, but i dont agree with some of the things that you need to.. like sex before marraige. its a great thing. but its not something that i can do now.. and letting god "take the drivers seat".. it just doesnt seem realistic to me. i control my life. and i think that our lives have many different paths already set out and its our choice of which one we want. i just hope that im picking the right one. it feels normal and good.. so i think it is... ? being with sean has helped bring out my true self.. and brought up some things in my past that i didnt want to come back to, but now that i have, i feel somewhat better to get them out and away from me.. *random switch of subject* in english we're reading this book called the great gadspy (sp?). im not sure if i like it yet. les says its good and my english teacher (fresh out of college) says its good.. i dont wanna be bored with it.. a new term is starting now. i hope i can keep my grades up now. we all start off with a's and hopefully i wont go down to an f. that really fucking sucks. i think ill have two maybe three f's on this report card that we get this friday from last term.. but.. im going to get the grades. there is no buts about it. *grr* lol.. omg im so bored. 4 more days until my boy comes home. but at least ill have something to do these next three days. church tomorrow with sarah, doctor with mom on thurs, and therapist on fri. itll give me something to do. yay me! but anyway. i gotta do my physics! so im outa here!