I've been thinking about what Ski said to me the other night when she was in her shitty mood..."Why do u want to have sex with him" Quite frankly Im not quite sure...She said..." u cant have sex with him the first time u meet him (I said why) coz thats slutty, ur not a slut" Maybe I just want to escape...I dont care what people think of me anymore, Im sick of being judged, Im over it...Hes a nice guy, but, I dont want anything long term, I dont want a relationship with him at all...It doesnt matter to him...but...is it right to even see the guy? It'd be like...making me a hypocrite...Id be fuckin usin the guy for sex and thats not me...Shes right...Wtf have I turned into...? I duno whats up with Lochie, hardly talks to me anymore...sort of pointless trying really...Few months ago I said to somone coz he got them to ask me and I said that me and him was just a dream that would never come true...He said that it wasnt just a dream...it was reality and hed make sure it came true...Guess I should've learnt by now that all promises people make me are bullshit... On another note..at work today ive been hit 3 times, kicked 4 times, hit in the head with branch and ended up drenched from tryna get them out of the rain...Yay for kids....