I love sleeping. Sleeping is god. It's a little cold today... and the Gonzalezes have no heat. I'm wearing like a little nothing shirt and some low cut pants that fall off of my ass so you know that's fun. Yesterday was shit. One of the worst days of my year. Even though I already knew that Matt was in love with Rachel, having her actually say it and asking me what to do about it....fucking hurts. I still love him and all I want to do is forget that. I never have been able to forget people I love. Marcus is being weird too. He'll call me every night but he won't talk to me at school. I'm starting to feel like his dirty secret. Why am I always the fucking dirty secret??? And what Erek told me about no one outright saying that they've ever been with me is the complete and utter truth. Erek just knows how to make me feel tons better. He's so fucking happy with Helen. He doesn't give a shit about anyone else anymore. I have to say that I'm happy for them becuz I am....they deserve that happiness. But don't I? I need something and I'm not getting anything. From anyone. Except prom invites from people I really don't want to go with. Like Bryan who told me yesterday that he was taking me. I don't want to go with Bryan cuz he is a scary person who's on probation for stealing a car. I love Bryan to death...he's a great friend but I want someone I can dance with, laugh with, who's going to get along with my friends, kinda person for prom. And Bryan just isn't that. hey everyone. this is stephanie. just wanted to do my update. =] hehe. tomorrow is mine and jeff's (my boyfriend) 6 months. yay! im sooooo happy. i love my boyfriend so much. =] so here is julie again. her life is more better then mine. later on. But right now I really don't care about prom cuz it's far away... not really in like April. But I already have my dress and the date situation will blow over. I won't die if I don't go this year either. I kinda wanna ask lil David G. but he would never go with me in a million years. Oh well. I'm a dirty secret now and for the rest of my fucking days. All I want is to find a guy who loves me and is NOT ashamed of me. Cuz I'm cool. *YOU SAID WE WERE AN ACCIDENT WITH ACCIDENTS YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN SAID WE WERE AN ACCIDENT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY FAVORITE ONE.*-forgot the band...hehe