everything makes sense. but i can't make sense of it. he's the love of my life. but when i'm not around him. when his arms aren't around me. i start thinking about who i used to be. was i having fun? having that life? no. i cut myself to shreds and dreamt of ways to finally pull the trigger. that wasn't healthy. now i'm good. i'm organized. i have responsibilities and i don't wig out when i have to do them. i have a steady boyfriend. who loves the way i look, feel, taste, smell. everything. i love the way he looks (so cute and pasty), the way he feels (like a warm part of the bed in a cold bedroom), the way he tastes (like a mixture of good tasting sweat and all-man), and the way he smells (like a clean, musky, austin-scentsation). still feel like crying. this is my second blog about this. the reason it's on here and NOT on myspace is becuz he'll read it. and think i'm questioning our relationship. that's the last thing on my mind. this relationship is the only thing keeping me sane. everything else drives me up the fucking wall. i never want him to question my love for him. it will never go away. it will be more and more everyday. i can't think. i must work out. until i can't feel my legs and i almost pass out from the lack of food in my stomach. don't think i'm anorexic. i'm just broke. that is all.