i honestly don't know what i'll do if something ever happens to this journal. i'll self destruct. 3 long years of my pre adult life are on here. bits and pieces of me are with each one of the entries. you can tell that i've matured and not matured at the same time. i still freak out about the same things and talk about the same people and the same ole shit. but my writing has gotten better in some ways. my entries are still fun of run on sentences but they're more coherent then they used to be. i just don't want to put in my username and password one day to find out that the entire database has been wiped clean and that everything i put in here was a complete waste of effort. not that anyone reads it. journals are for personal pleasure. and possible friend making. i made one. he's been with me almost since i started. he'll never really understand how much he can do just by saying "happy graduation, beautiful one." or something equally as cute and affectionate. but i'm not dumb or stupidly idealistic. just a dreamer. and an impossible wisher. sara says i'll get in trouble one day. becuz austin will find this and everything will come crashing down around me. it scares me but he won't find it. if he does, he'll understand. if he doesn't, i'll have one thing (to add along with the long list of other secrets) to keep to myself forever. for once, i can keep something a secret, instead of being kept one. i'm not making sense again. just come back, okay?