I can't go to California during Christmas break. It turns out that the plane tickets cost TWO THOUSAND FRIGGIN' DOLLARS! WHAT F*CKING BASTARDS PRICE A F*CKING PLANE TICKET TO CALIFORNIA THE SAME PRICE AS A F*CKING PLANE TICKET TO FRANCE?!?!?!?!?!?! Now I can't see Jordan. God! This year has been the worst in life with all this shit with my family going on, and the ONLY THING and makes me feel better about it is Jordan, and now I don't even have that. I guess it's for the best, though. Seeing him will only make it harder to be apart from him again. I guess I just need to get used to him not being here. But it's too boring, too lonely without him. And the worst part of all this is that the longer we're apart, the easier it is to be apart. I don't wanna be independent! I want my Jordan! Man, I can't stop crying. And I'm in school. That's just not cool. I've gotta go. Class is starting in two minutes.