Okay, yesterday was a REALLY good day, but I don't feel like talking about it right now. Maybe I will tomorrow.... Anyway. Damn. Whenever I'm away from Ella I think I'm getting over her, but then I'm around her and she says something so smart and funny and wacky, or she holds my hand and she hugs me, or she smiles and laughs, and I melt. And then she expects me to just want to be FRIENDS with her. I think she's worried about me. Before break, after I told her I liked her, she said she was okay with it but it was a little awkward. Now we're back at school and her and Erik are going out and every time I see them together they're cuddling, and I get kind of depressed but I don't really care about me anymore as long as she's happy. But today she kept asking me if it was alright if she sat next to Erik and if I was okay when I zoned out like I usually do. I don't want her to be worried about me, because the more she worries about me the more I love her! God, why can't she be a total bitch so I can get over her? And then she kept holding my hand today, and every time her fingers touched mine I got butterflies in my stomach and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Just thinking about it gives me butterflies. God, the bad thing about them dating isn't even that I'm jealous, because I'm really not. They're perfect for each other, and they're so cute together, and they make each other so happy. The worst part is that now Erik is all weird about even HUGGING me. I mean, Erik and Ella start going out and Ella starts hugging me MORE (which is bad too because it makes me love her more) but Erik gets all weird like he doesn't want to touch me because Ella might get jealous when he KNOWS she's not like that. Erik and I used to snuggle! He used to be my teddy bear! But now.... Now he won't even hug me. And I want my friends to be happy, but I don't want to lose all the guys to their girlfriends! Sorry, complete rant. I'm just so confused and... well, emotional lately. Advice, sympathy or comforting words would be appreciated right now.