so this weekend yeah i dont even know how to descibe it...friday I went to a concert with tammy...It was good we danced the whole time :) then i eneded up getting in a fight wiht some bitch and i litterly kicked the shit out of her..haha good time..just hadda let a little anger out i guess. Got her in a head lock.....pulled her hiar so hard then right over her face and one punch to the face and she was gonnnnneeeeee. then me and tammy went way up front and continued dancing...yup it was a ball. then i discoved my coats stolen so we wait till evenyone boots and liek i cant find it so then i just take this really nice colunbia jacket...Then i wanst so pissed. Yup so me and tammy got wicked blazzed at that concert. when badsigh came on so many people lit up...after that fight some kid liek came up to me and was liek that was fuckign insane im guna smoke this joint just for you I was like right on brotha! but yeah ..then tammy slept over then we woke up about noon then did wake and bakkeee then ate some lunch...then we went on a long walk to buglight becasue it was so pretty...e hadda snowballfight that was halarious. then we came back here chilled then she hadda go to work so then i just assed out till like 7 took a shower then chilled out cooked my self some dinner and chilled outtt.....and its like 7 in the mroign right now on sunday and i dont ven knwo why i am up this early but yeah well see where this day heads...

so i have desided to start writing in my dairy again... so Im rather upset right now. My mom told me i was selfish amung some other mean things she has said. She said I have chosen to live with my dad...i never choose... I remember the day exactly I was at my friends house and my mom stopped by and asked me to go grocery shopping i declined and said i didnt want to and i would be home in time for dinner...I never saw her again...She doesnt understand how I waited and waited for days on end to see her car pull in the driveway It broke me and i was only 5 how could you do that to you duaghter you love at the age of 5. And walk in my life two years later expecting me to call her mom. My dad is all I know and over the years have learned I can count on the most. She left me there. Who was selfish then. I dont think she understands how much pain she puts me through when only saying a couple things. It gets to me no matter how hard i try to ignore it. My dad is all i have and has told me many times I have saved his life in many ways. When my mom was in and out of rehab my brothers were sent to foster homes and my dad refused to give me up he told the social workers I was his and thats the way things have been and I thank god He has supported me and never given up on me in times When i would as a parent just walked away. he has guided me in timse when i coudnt see the answers clear and never let go of my hand once. " your everything I have victoria and i Will see you are happy everday in your life even if it kills me" my mom has never said anythign like that to me and when she deos say things to me in a mean manor my dad is there to say sorry that she makes me cry and hold me...everytime hes there even soemtimes when i dont want him to be he refused to leave and pulls me tward him and i can just let go becasue i feel safe.My dad has been my family for the last 15 years and never has let me down once. Honestly he means the world to me. And i wouldnt trade him for anything. And in my life its hard because these are the years of my life when i need a mom to talk to to understand me and i just dont feel like i can talk to her about anything...Me and my dad have this open relationship and know the do's and dont's and thats becasue over the years we have learned and expericed from eachother. I remember when i was little I used to want a normal family it was everything I dreamed of but over the years I have learned there is no such thing as a normal or perfect family and to cherish everythign you got becasue some day it might not be there. So im sticking with the man who has never left my side and would give anything for me, my daddy, I love you so much

ah man im so happy right now my brother called me finally i guess hes doing good visiting all his friends and stuff. just hearing his voice kinda made all teary. He said there was no hard feelings about him getting my mail and he understood becasue a lot of ppl whote to him and sent stuff and he never got it. Im just so glad hes home. i only got to talk to him for like 10 minutes minutes but im glad i talked to him. He said it was a big change to go from iraq to here but hes happy to be here. I guess sometime this weekend or sometime next week were gnna try to get together and do somethign becasue i really want to see him before he goes back. Witch i dont even want to think about right now. knowing hes home and safe and away form iraq lifts a weight off my shoulder casue i dont have ot sray that he wil be alright for the time being.gahh so exciteddd hes home

life is really good right now. Me and my friends are fine and me and mike are absouluty great. Im tring to pull up my grades becasue my goal is high honar..yeha bitches me and my mom are talking finally she seems really happy lifes just great:)

ahh its finally valentines day Mike I love you!!!

damn straight im a hoor ;)

ill give it toyou just how you like it

my mom calle dme up crying this morning telling me I was cruel and just like my dad Fuck It

have you ever had that feeling like your in a crowded room screaming and no ne can hear..or they just dont care

4 months ago i met the most amazing person ever a person who has changed my aspect on life, a person who gives me a reason to drag my self out of bed everymorning. A person who i can finally be totally comfertable around. A guy i can count on and who i can say brings me true happiness. I didnt know it was possible to have the feelings i feel twards you. what im trying to say is thank you *Michael Quatrano

ughh its like 8 in the morning. I hate waking up early on weekends casue im used to waking up for school. Latly ive been so happy and i have mike to thank for that..i love being with him he makes me smile and i love that. When ever anythigns wrong i just think about mike and the feelings he makes me feel and everything is okay casue i knwo i have him. I think he makes me a better person in a way becasue people have said to me my attitude has changed (in a good way) and they have noticed im just happier and always have a smile on my face...hes so amazing and i wouldnt want it any other way

so today si the day we all go back to school. last nihgt i was kinda excited to go to school. now that i woke up this morning im Like No...so how mnay days till febuary vacation? I will be so pissed if i have effing science today i hope i have study halll witch im thinking i do but im not sure yeh schools gay but its time for me to go there later

i feel dumb becasue i just cried from watching 7th heaven..haha im gay yeh so the other day i went on a burn rie wiht corey hillary catlin and Renee it was funn .new years i hung out wiht mike:) thats abotu it

today was kinda gay i woke up at 11 dano called me but i didnt want to hang out with him so i kinda waited all day for my dad ot get hoem and i dont even know why. but before all that coud happen corrie jamie rocco and nick leeman showed up at my house..so we chilled for a couepl house smoked soo much out of leemans new bubbler then watch napolean slowly continuing to smoke. then they all left and i passed out till 4:30. Im waiting for corrie to wake up casue she mentioned somethign abotu us going to get drunk possably later? but i dont know..and i really want nacheos

yeah so this vacation has gone how i wanted to i gto to hang out with my boyfriend alot witch is good hes soo hott god dammit i wihs i was wiht him right now. I love kissing that kid i just get this feeling and i smile casue he makes me so happy and hes soo sweet. I also got to hang out wiht my frineds witch was good.. im starting to finally hang out wiht dano again witch is good I need to hang out wiht tammy and teddy at some point casue i miss our good times.yeh but anyways i needa take a showerrr

Do I stress you out My sweater is on backwards and inside out And you say how appropriate I dont want to dissect everything today I dont mean to pick you apart you see But I cant help it There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off Slap me with a splintered ruler And it would knock me to the floor if I wasnt there already If only I could hunt the hunter And all I really want is some patience A way to calm the angry voice And all I really want is deliverance Do I wear you out You must wonder why Im so relentless and all strung out Im consumed by the chill of solitary I like to reel it in and then spit it out And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land If only I could meet the Maker And I am fascinated by the spiritual man I am humbled by his humble nature What I wouldnt give to find a soulmate Someone else to catch this drift The conflicts the craziness and the sound of pretenses Falling all around...all around Why are you so petrified of silence Here can you handle this? If only I could kill the killer All I really want is some peace man a place to find a common ground And all I really want is a wavelength All I really want is some comfort A way to get my hands untied And all I really want is some justice...

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS I woke up this morning and my brother was the first thing on my mind...not knowing what to do or how to show my feelings i call my other brother jesse. Asked him what he was doin today and if i would be seeing him..and i am. Im wondering what my brother is doing at this very moment and how i would trade places wiht him instantly. For i dont need happiness and he deserves more. Its been a kinda gloomy morning .i opened all my presents and i felt selfish the whole time. My mom had a panic attack this mornign and was crying casue she coudlnt find her keys to her car and wanted me to go all the way up there and find them...but two minutes later she found them. I have to go to my grandmothers at 11 which is gunna be gay casue i know my cousin julia will be there and i finally have the nerve to really say what i think about her. caus ei swear if she says ones thing to me i might just go crazy...im just not in the best conditions today. at 1 i have to go to my moms for dinner..yeh at 1 righttt and then to her bestfrineds house ot give them our prestets to them. then shes dropping me off at my hoouse? i was kinda hoping to hear form mike today....but i dont want to call him on christmas morning caus ei dont want to interrupt something..and i think hes madd at me cause i told him to call me later an di gave him a number and he didnt even call me. I want to see him today so when i get back form my moms im gunna try to get a hold of him. IMISSYOUSOMUCh ee

You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had, always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, just remember life goes on

ughh im so sick..i dont know what wrong...i have to basically force my self to eat..casue im sick and my body doesnt want anything. so dumb..but i need to lay down later

And he turned around to look at me front the passanger side.Then and there I lost my breath and lost my mind. I was consumed with happeness...what ive been waiting for, for the longest time to see him. I wanted to stay here forever. We talked and talked for what seeemed like hours.I couldnt ask anyone for anything more.Just the way he looked at me he wished it was real... becasue for seeing my brother can only be in dreams