well it was a good weekend with kayla....we went on the go carts and went in the hot tub all weekend.Friday we went to the movies had a lot of fun meet som of her really cool friends.I just called merci at dewes and shes stoned so i just hung up on her im really not in the mood to deal with. I have a lot of laundry to do and i have to take a shower..Im hoping to hear form dan he calle me while i was at kaylas hopefully it wasnt important.so im gunna go do my things i gotta do. worried about my brother...i feel like a bad sister abotu how i have treated him over the years we lived together.I feel liek i have ruined his life in a way becasue of all the shit i put him though.i have had fight wiht my self about trying to talk to him but like in afraid of what he will think if i tell him whats going on. I have told my mom abotu how i have been mad at him ecer since i was 10 ..i dont think he knew casue i lost contact wiht him for 3 years.I want to have a brother witch i can depend on and know he will be by my side..my other brother is cool an di see him atleats twice a week but i wish there woudlo be more liek i want my brothers and mine relation ship to be liek theres when they were younger. I dont know since he has been in the army we have lost even more touch..last week i found out he is in japan ...it scars me casue this world is soo fucked up anyhting could happen at this point in life.... so you think you can tell hevean from hell blue skies form pain can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail a smile from a veil do you think you can tell and did they get you to trade your heros for ghosts hot ashes for trees hot air for a cool breeze cold comfort for change and do you exchange a world on part in the war for a lead role in cage how i wish wish you were here were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year runnign over the same old ground what have we found the same old fears wish you were here