Latly things have been horrible.I have gone to drugs as my comferter. They have become my bestfriend my comfort my everything.I find drugs as the easy way out of things.It takes away all the intense pain that i have been sufering from.I remember the first time i did drugs it was just to get away.I went to a place were only i had been when i dreamed.I think its the only time i can be happy.Latly I have been doing it because I find everything hard to deal with and just to much to handle all the stress.I fear for the days where i will be happy.I live for the days where i feel dead.Sometimes i just need to have my feelings releaved and herd. I have also had this feeling thats undeniable and unexplainable and unable to make go away. I never felt this way before....you just make things better...and when your not around things fall apart and things begin to suck.im glad your in my life..i would be lost with out you.I just wish i could have you.i love you...i wish you knew who you were....im begining to not know my self..i find myself running from something thats not there or just myself? like water flowing into lungs im flowing through these days as morphine tears through deadened veins immediatly i was floating into another sphere another world another state Things rushed away from me and at me taking my breath away like a drop in a fast elavator I couldnt tell what was real and what was unreal Was i the table or the book or the music or was i part of all of them but it didnt really matter for whatever i was i was wonderful For the first time that i could remember in my whole life I was completely uninhibited..im enjoying everysecond of this im numbing threw these days