MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS I woke up this morning and my brother was the first thing on my mind...not knowing what to do or how to show my feelings i call my other brother jesse. Asked him what he was doin today and if i would be seeing him..and i am. Im wondering what my brother is doing at this very moment and how i would trade places wiht him instantly. For i dont need happiness and he deserves more. Its been a kinda gloomy morning .i opened all my presents and i felt selfish the whole time. My mom had a panic attack this mornign and was crying casue she coudlnt find her keys to her car and wanted me to go all the way up there and find them...but two minutes later she found them. I have to go to my grandmothers at 11 which is gunna be gay casue i know my cousin julia will be there and i finally have the nerve to really say what i think about her. caus ei swear if she says ones thing to me i might just go crazy...im just not in the best conditions today. at 1 i have to go to my moms for dinner..yeh at 1 righttt and then to her bestfrineds house ot give them our prestets to them. then shes dropping me off at my hoouse? i was kinda hoping to hear form mike today....but i dont want to call him on christmas morning caus ei dont want to interrupt something..and i think hes madd at me cause i told him to call me later an di gave him a number and he didnt even call me. I want to see him today so when i get back form my moms im gunna try to get a hold of him. IMISSYOUSOMUCh ee