wel i dont really no why im here, but what the prophet wants the prophet gets. er, paintballing was amusing. bloody painful;. dont rly reccomend it. uu need 2 b sporty, not scared of pain, and not claustrophobic. and wear lots of layers of clothing. then it wont hurt. i actually hav proper bruises. whats going on in my head? i dont know whats goin on in my head. my life is too busy for me 2 think. i have 2 be doing something, i need 2 forget about my head, whtever shit may be ther. when i start to think is when bad things start happening. when i start to think is when i start 2 doubt my beliefs, doubt myself, and challenge myself. which never has good concequences. as i have discovered. when i start thinking, when i let what is in my head be what is controlling me, what is coming ou, thats wen i get shit like my previous entry. battles with myself. in my concience. between right and wrong. and gues which one wins? when i start to think i start to think about what a failure i am, how i miss out on everything i could want. and one day im gonna have to watch one of the most important things in my life be ripped away. taken somewhere it can never come back from. and be so fucking happy about it. when whatever drop of pointless hope that i have will be dried up because at last it will be over, i will have no more chances. when i start to think is when ir ealise that ive fucking screwed up and thers nothing to fix it. people have fucked up my life and ive let them. things have come in and trie 2 take over n ive just sat back andlet them, pretending im trying to fight it, but im not, im just allowing myself to be swallowed up into nothing that i want. ive let useless people control me and be worth more than they are, ive not listened to my friends and ive dragged my heels hoping for whatever shit could never be. when i start thinking is when ir ealise that its never going to change, im gna be this useless forever. forever waiting for my first kiss, forever waiting for someone to care,forever avoiding thinking cos i no what it does. im glad i can get to sleep quicky. insomnia is my worst fucking enemy, cos what else can you do lying in bed on your own with the lights off but think wel this was a longer entry than i had predicted l8rz y'all xHUGx ~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~ 128 days, 22 hours, 23 minutes and 16 seconds 11,139,796 seconds 185,663 minutes 3,094 hours 18 weeks I dont wanna lose you :)