I hardly got any sleep last night. I got back from the party and of course grandpa was staying in my room, and when i got into lizzies room, there was crap all over the bed. So i slept on the floor. In terms of the party itself, parts of it were great. Others were terrible. To start off with, itwas great fun, everyone was dancing, having a good time. About an hour into the party, Twiggy came over to me, already smashed. And i didnt want to be pissed off about it, but i guess it just made me realise what the rest of the night was going to be like. Gradually more and more people got pretty much pissed out of their heads. And i still felt nothing from the 5 drinks and 3 shots i'd had. So basically the rest of the night consisted of hearing Rosie apologise at me. Constantly. Trying to keep a paralytic Rudi conscious. Being scared shitless by Gemma and Zoe. Comforting those who were also scared shitless and incapabe of doing anything. And generally having a go at keeping everyone happy. By the end of the night, a lot of people had sobered up, at least a bit. Which fortunately meant there were a couple more people to keep me sane and help out with the drunk people. I think i'm going to make sure i'm never around that lot and alcohol again. I dont see why my night should have to be ruined, just because i'm apparently the only one who can handle their drink. Before the party, i was talking with zoe. She was worried that people were going to get smashed. I told her that that wouldnt happen. Cos of course we're all sensible people who arent out to get pissed, but just to have a good time. And i said that if one person looked like they had had too much, other people around them would stop them drinking more. And i really belived myself. I trusted my friends not to be so fucking stupid. I trusted that if they knew they were a lightweight, they would pace themselves; that if they knew they cant hold their drink, they would ask someone to watch out for them; that if they hadnt eaten the entire fucking day, they wouldnt immediately run to the shots. I just thought that maybe my friends wouldnt be the typical example of everything i hate about teenagers. With people not having a clue what theyr doing, people thinking its cool, the hostesses being more out of it than anyone else, people helping themselves to more drinks than they can handle, and nobody batting an eyelid, people throwing up all over the place. Mike was incredible. Truly. And people had better bloody be grateful to him. There i was, desperate to even remotely feel the slightest bit tipsy, just to make it all seem a bit easier; and he didnt drink all night. I honestly dont know what i would have done without him there. I think we both kinda kept each other going. Being around him seems like a bit of a self-destructive cycle. Its all great when i'm there, and it makes me happy just knowing he's there. But all these stupid feelings which i thought i'd got rid of dont seem so stupid anymore. And i'm relentlessly reminded of how much i still like him. Which then means that i can't get him out of my head, and i want to see him more. And stupidly, however crap everything going on at the party was. I would give anything to be back there with him now...