Im feeling pretty wierd atm. like im not real. my head is all fuzzy and the concept of reality is pretty distant. normaly i can make some connection between whats in my head, thoughts, emotions n stuff, and my physical self. not necesarily my actual body, but things like senses and the fact that im a living organism. i can look at something and really seriously feel like im dreaming. nothing is real. things go on around me but nothing happens. i dont like feeling lke this. im not the sort of person who can pick up on subtle hints, subtle emotions, i need things to be blatantly obvious. i completely clear feeling. but you cant always get that in life. but i really didnt think i could get such a subtle feeling about existence itself. about the fact that when i look in a mirror, that is me, me the body in which i live, the person writing this entry. the person that this entire diary is based around. i am a person and thats the only person im ever going to be. god chose to create me. why cant things be obvious, how am i supposed to be completely sure about religion n faith and stuff when my own existence, spiritual and biological, isnt clear in my own head? i just feel like i need to wake up. im asleep, everything around is a dream, im going to wake up, and realise that the reason i felt like this is because i was asleep. this cloudiness is here cos im not actually doing these things. theres a point i get to, generally in the morning, where im lying in bed, eyes open, and i loose my sense of existence and self entirely, i guess that thats what falling asleep is like. thoughts stop and my mind is left to sort out these things by itself. now it feels like that. all the time. i dont notice, get up and get ready for school. im just stuck. not knowing whats real. and i want it to stop. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 73 days, 2 hours, 51 minutes and 58 seconds 6,317,518 seconds 105,291 minutes 1,754 hours 10 weeks i'll give up everything just o find you :)