Well ive had a bit of a pooey day. Despite getting a probably A* in a maths test i thought i had completely mucked up. Ok, that bit i was happy with. But then i was put in yet another shyty seating plan for physics, next to the person i probably hate most in the year. Which was just taking the piss really. And i'm gonna be there for ages, and its gonna make physics even more crap than it used to be, and i just can't be arsed with it. And recently some things have been seeming more and more appealing. And i wish they wouldnt. it doesnt make it easy to say no. But underneath it all, i'm still thinking about sam and smiling cos i'm fine. Then again i havent seen him since the last entry, so we'll see how things go. It is being easier, maybe i'm forcing it to be, or maybe it just is. Maybe it's like a child, it screams and screams for attention, but eventually if you ignore it enough, it learns that screaming doesnt get the attention, and it shuts up. I'm scared that everything is going to go back to the way it was. It could so easily get really hard again, and i'm really dreading that happening. Cos i know i'm not myself when i've got something like that on my mind. I cant enjoy stuff. Even the things that would normally always get me smiling, when theres a guy chucked in the mix who starts fucking things up, i start fucking up aswel. I'm stroppy and depressing and don't laugh, even when i find stuff funny. I'm sorry to all my friends for when i've acted like that, no guy is worth any of my friends' misery. For your sakes and mine, i hope it does stay like this, and get easier. Eventually i'll have forgotten about him, and i'l be normal again. Whatever the hell 'normal' is. Today was a glitch. I'm happy. I am. I have to be. No matter how pissed off i get about trivial things; underneath, life is good. And i'l wake up in the morning and realise that. I'l forget about physics until i have it again and i'l go back to smiling and saying 'i'm good thanks' and meaning it.