I'm not going to write how hard my life is. because its not. I'm not addicted to anything. not imoral in anyway. dying. in a lot of pain. its...all a mental thing. but... today I wanted to scream. and throw large firey darts. :) I hate band so bad sometimes. I hate the crap we go through being in the pit. grrrrrrrr. I talked to jake today about it. ha... because I dont like it when he watches me play. I dont like when anyone on the battery does. I feel so judged! gah... so...jake said drumline poeple really...are jerks. yeah. hmm. then he said I had to be humble..."you're in the pit!" thankfully he appologized. growl. I'm sad that its ending on a note like this. I dont knwo if I want to do it next year. ...heh... but... what can you do. I'm just fed up. never feel good enough. today I was befriended though. :) and I finaly stressed to my mom my problems that were making me so depressed. grades. I never eat Landen-he doesnt know...(gosh, he doesnt know) um the lack of friends. real friends who actually want to hang out with me. then...we hugged. and I figured out things werent so bad after all. she said it was going to be okay. and it is. tomorrow I'm playing for me. not embarresed because everyone else has a drum strapped to their belly and I dont. man oh man.