dear diary, "I'm an ordinary girl, so how can I be welcomed....as I am?" "you look through me, you see it all, so how come I feel comfortable?" I saw anthony today, hmm. I may love him. Just the thought of him going. I smile so much. I told him as I was leaving, "hey, do good." He smiled at me and said it so matter of factly, "Yeah, I plan on it." We'll see what happens in a couple of years. I want him to leave already so I can write him! mmm! I'll see him again. but I'm going to try to focus on the whole dating part of my life first, haha. He gave me a big old hug. I true hug, the way hugs should be. I saw him talking to his grandma. he mows her lawn all the time. his grandma is my neighbor. oh my...*bites lip* I guess I'm not scared because he's leaving for two years! haha "and then your love runs through my heart as you reach out your hand.I realize youre taking me as I am." "and then your voice brings clarity when you explain your plan. you say 'I'm not through teaching you to be as I am...I made this house so you can be as I am.'" I love EFY music! I feel good, from all the heartache. I feel safe and taken care of. I don't understand. not yet can I go home home, mmm...I guess I have a lot to work on. perfecting myself. mmm... live like you believe. Hey kir, this one's for you, okay? oh, sigh...I feel almost broken hearted, but healing quickly. I hate that feeling the most, that I'm used to it. *smiles* "dallan is hot and the church is true!" Amen sister! lauren has made a break through! and I get to spend the whole night with her! mmmm! for all the horrid bad gross perversions of this world, there still is a lot of good. mom says I'm effervescent. haha. I emit small bubbles of gas! ---Later--- I ran outside to see if anthony was at his grandma's house. I think he spotted me hiding behind the truck. oh my... the movie was great, I understood it a lot more. It was a big mess with bree and laur's friend, but sadly, we worked things out. I went out before the movie to buy a drink and I saw John mitchel. Then, out of no where anthony appeared! yay! He gave me a big hug and asked if he could bring something to me tomorrow. oh! maybe he's letting me have his car while he's gone! ohhh, that girl is a beaut! red mustang... well, I'm kinda nervous...and I have to sit at home all day waiting for him to come. darn. But, it was nice to see him! I'm scared for what he might bring. he laughed and gave his friends this mistevious look. oh my. He said "well, I think it's pretty funny." I punched him in the arm and said goodbye. it was nice to hang out with laured, I liked it a lot acutally!