It's okay now. People don't like to talk about him. But, I do. I like to remember and laugh. Mum said this morning he's closer than we think. They all are. I feel closer to my dad and everyone up there from this incident. I feel, stronger. I feel as if I know just a little more why I'm exactly here on this earth. Sometimes I wish to go home. This who I am. I feel love. I feel as if I'm not so afraid anymore! It's beautiful. "please come with me. see what I see. Touch the stars for time will not sleep. Time will not sleep. Can you see?" But, this is not a dream. I find many more adventures where I have to pinch myself. I pinched myself last night. Sweating. dying. Crying. It's over. But, it happened. Never before have I loved something so much. A little piece of heaven was felt last night. When miss Madsen was done talking I turned to my mom and fell in her chest. I bawled, she cried. man oh man...What am I going to do for the rest of...forever? I don't think anything can make me feel like this. I need to stay active. AFter mingling and finaly making friends with Tim Burges (of course I have to wait till after season...ha!) I went to charlies. Liz gave me her keys and let me drive myself and malcolm. IT was AWESOME. Charlies was sorta lame. I always feel excluded. I I know I mustn't think there's something wrong with me. Even when I got no awards. No special recognition. hey, I've done the best I can and there's plently of room for improvement. I won't let this kill me. Anyhoo. I twirled with the girls in the parking lot. Then we went back to malcolm's house. On the way we talked. this kid...I;m lucky he see's me as a beautiful girl and his friend. could it get any better. oh yes, loads! we talked for a minute. then I hugged him and hopped in the car. me and mom talked in the first time for like...forever. I feel bad for all the crap I give him. I love you mom. I'm so glad she came to the banquet. I felt as if she was proud. She had time for me last night. I made someone proud. mmm! gah. I got less sleep. today was good for the most part. My classes were fine. the usual. I still have an A in english which is really surprising. Has she not put in the rest of the scores? probably a b- in aerobics. But, I do participate! and...a c- in phych. gah! but, I'm making that up! man oh man of freaking man! Hey, I'm doing great in seminary! I feel good. Tonight malcolm took me frolfing with the guys. That was after we helped kaylee ask matt to the dance. ha! he's so excited, it's cute. I had so much fun. That game is sooo random! I love it! I want more! give me more! Then I went to yw. We did darens dance moves. bah! but, I love the girls so much. We danced to "bye bye bye" so of course I was singing at the top of my lungs! bah! I had fun. I ate the dip and played the piano. great. I should study more. mmm.