It's going back to normal, well as much as I'll let it. Visions of images flashing through my head. "he's still flying for us." "with his two best friends now" It's how I cope, I talk. I found my drum pad the other day with the teeth marks. I remember that day so well. I told anyone who would listen that I had the coolest guys. I love those boys. I'm doing good, and it makes me feel guilty. I'm driving again, except not to work. I don't want to drive on that road. It makes Liz sad, but mom said to get over it in a way. School has...gotten better. I have a c average. not bad...it will get better now though. I want to be just like everyone else. However they are feeling. I realized I can't, I realized some of me won't let me. So, it's alright. Seminary is always my highlight. I love that class, and we're all so close. I've met someone there, he's pretty nice. Nothing is going on, trust me. but, he's nice. we learned about getting offended, and now I have a new goal for myself. to be less offended at stupid things. it will work out. umm. I have a date to the girls choice! that's been more than drama on my part. gah. sorry. but, now I have a date and he's just my friend and I enjoy his company. yes. so, we will have fun. He was total stoked when I asked him, which made me excited. I worry a bit about...other guys. He'll be okay. We've got this understanding. this friendship. Oh diary... anyways, speaking of that. My family and Malcolms' family went out to eat tonight. That was sure interesting! I've decided that Liz is just as crazy and embarresing as my family. I twas amazing though and I'm surprised how much fun I had. Not embarresed at all. Except, liz decided she was going to hang out with Amy at our house tomorrow. I dunno, I really love their friendship. me and liz talked about marriage. She's always saying she wants me and Malcolm to get married. Gah, I can hardly hold his hand, let alone think about that. But, he's worthy, cute, and a lot of what I want right about now. we'll see. So much drama in the circle. well, not really the circle. wow, it's getting late! anyways. I went shopping and finaly got my new coat. It's so dang cuuuuuute! woo. and, dear diary, I wish to confess to you that yes my life is going back to normal. hard hard hard bliss bliss bliss. well, it's not perfect but it's good. And maybe this time I won't be afraid to let it be good. Liz said to me today I can't live life with fear because it would be so boring. But, she understands why I'm not drving up there just yet. And why I'm not "with" Malcolm. Judge me as you will, I'll be okay. I need to let go of my grudges. Work on homework and go to bed. anyways... It will be okay.