Sorry to bother you all about this possibly alarming subject matter, but it is my diary and thats basically why i created this- to vent about things that are pissing me off so i don't leak to the wrong person. Anyway that son of a bitch fucker wore a striped, colared short sleeve polo today. I am seething with anger right now. Blatantly flaunting all those pathetic cuts on her arm and wrist. The bad part is i was realy jealous and the more i looked at them the more I wanted to do it myself. I've been cutting longer than her, shouldn't it be ME who gets the chance to cut her wrists? It's not fair, I've never had the chance to cut on my arms like she can. Why do I have to hide everything and carefully plan out places on my body that no one will see, when someone so brand new to it already gets to jump in the deep end? i don't know if any of that makes sense, but it makes me bitter to see that she gets to do something i so desperately want. I have elaborately plotted out at least 4 ways to cut my wrists and hide it, whereas this freak of an ass just dives right into it with no second thought at all. (scream). yesterday, some random lower classman i guarantee she doens't even know the last name of, plops down next to her in the bleachers, and says three things- RANDOM KID- who's that? FUCKHEAD JESSICA- that's catherine. RANDOM KID- she in it? FUCKHEAD JESSICA- she in what RANDOM KID- that cutting business. FUCKHEAD JESSICA- *giggles*. there is something. really. really fucked up about that.