These past few days have by far been the most stressful days of my life. I have seriously never wanted to be dead or nonexistent like this in years. I'm so stressed out. I took a final today. If i fail this test, i fail the class. I did 2 of the reading assignments (45 pages) in that class this entire semester, and I've been staying up from 3 to 4:30 in the morning just to get all my work in (221 pages FUCK) I feel like I'm fucking failing at everything. My grades jsut keep sinking lower and lower, and I don't do anything about it. I don't sleep and I feel liek shit all the time. I'm so unhappy. I made a little row of 1 inch cuts on my leg and 5 big ones on my arm that I cut with a staple in class. I haven't felt the urge or desire to cut in so long. I want it. I wnat to do more I have never felt so depressed, helpless, stressed out, and fucking exhausted in my life. I got stoned almost every day of the long weekend and I am totally paying for it. My friend was in the hospital monday night for alcohol poisoning. This is getting rediculous. This is my 3rd friend hospitalized for that. My ex had sex with this girl like 2983742 times and gave me a very thorough description of how many times they did it. 1] I don't care 2] ew? keep details to yourself thanks My friend was sleeping over when he told me [through a TEXT MESSAGE WTF???] that he wasn't a virgin anymore and it was so weird, my friend and I were both stoned, I read his text message, and I started crying. I literally curled up in fetal position, fucking wasted and started sobbing. I'm so pathetic. and fucking stressed out. Tomorrow is the last day I'm going to see most of my friends until August.