Im surprised they have the mood "better" but thats honestly what im feeling. Ive decided to take it day by day with my grandmother. Its still really really sad, adn it gets to me at odd moments. But its so great to see my family handling it so well. I am so thankful to have my family around me right now. When my dad died it was just my mom, my brother and I and so I felt like i had to be the support and keep everyone going. it is so nice to have so much support and to be able to lean on eachother during our time of need. I wanted to say thank you for all the comments and thoughts and prayers and calls i have recieved. I can not tell you how much it means to me to know that i am not alone nad i do ahve people to talk to about this. Im almost dreading goign to school tomorrow for 2 reasons. With my grandmother becuase i know a lot of people know now and its just hard to look at everyone adn know that they dont knwo what to do and stuff. Its when i have to explain what happend to strangers that its really hard, and i almost lose it everytime. like today at church everyone kept asking me how my grandmother was doing and to hvae to say well... she died. was hard! But i got through it adn i know that everyone just wants to help. we have so many flowers and lasagnes coming! its funny. But it means a lot. Secondly i dont know how to handle my other issue (with the guy). With all this stuff going on i really dont have the energy to care anymore. So i think im goign to tell him that, he never called btw. Ill just tell him that i really dont care what his excuse is this time, and that i get it now, we are just friends, i feel stupid for not getting that before. I feel almost mean beucase now im basically juts using him for a date! But whatever works. I juts dont want to hurt anymore so, i think i have to do this. Although that hurts as well. oh well i hopefully will get through this. So thank you again for all the thoughts and kind words if it doesnt seem like i care i really do, i just dont know how to handle all of this right now. I got some really good advice to just keep a positive outlook on this situation and its realy helped to do that. things will be ok, i just have to remember the good and learn adn grow from the bad. thank you for letting me learn that im not alone.