Is the catalyst really so small? Only a trickle, a hint of the old abuse and already I am spiraling so?

I am falling away from the real world, hiding and sheltering myself. I cannot find enough time to myself and I cannot get the help I need in keeping a schedule.

The cost will be great.

I wonder what other disorder lurks beneath my aching skull...

I became unhealthily entangled in my emotions for a fictional character, to the point of legitimate concerns about obsession. At the very end of the last episode I watched this character did something that I found inconsistent with my view of how he would behave. And in a way that is clearly setting up a story arc involving the continuation of this behavior. I became irrationally angry and worried. Because my escape, my fantasy, was compromised.

I just hope that my dreams will give me better fantasies tonight.

I am not quite certain what happened to my inflated self-worth... but I both miss it dearly and fear it terribly right about now.