My right arm says "fuck off" I suppose that's because Jeremy's left arm said fuck off, and that was the last thing I'd seen written on an arm before I decided to defile myself with a piece of broken glass. Defile doesn't mean anything sexual, look it up you immature prick. Last night... Last night was bad. I wanted to drop out of existence. But that's not possible. So I tried to cut myself. Couldn't break the skin again. So I just took the damn piece of what had been the shade of my light fixture before I accidentally broke it (( and got yelled at for it, as with everything else I do )) and started stabbing it into the back of my left arm. A few minutes later, connected some dots because they were pretty. Then it evolved into half spreading blood around, half carving the words "the end" into my arm... Some random scratches and cuts... A couple random lines on my right arm... Fuck off on my right arm... The realization that I would need an excuse for the cuts that were clearly visible on my hand... So I picked up another piece of glass (so as to keep the one I had just used) from the lampshade and carved my symbol onto my left leg to get more blood, and put some on the bottom of my pillow, and some onto the other piece of glass. So... yeah. The Fuck off won't go away for quite a while. Hopefully it will fade enough before the sun starts being out. Hopefully it will fade... I'm probably permanently scarred. Things don't fade from my skin easily... Oh, I also used some incense to burn myself... But only one of them left a blister... Damn. I hope I don't have to walk around for my whole adult life with "fuck off" on my arm. It's in all capitals too. "Slowburn" by The Beautiful Mistake is a really cool song. It's just a bunch of background noise/music and it's fairly creepy. I love it. Well, I've reached my self-injury quota for... ever. Heh. Anyway... I don't know. I want to die but that would be selfish and stupid. On the bright side, when I got online again for the first time in days (dial-up is practically not worth it), I had 3 emails waiting for me from someone who wasn't just trying to sell me oxycontin or viagra, and wasn't a form-letter, chain-mail, or newsletter. It made me feel better about how much life generally sucks. "There's nothing anymore." ~ staticlullaby Eh. I'll end with that quote. ~ Beth (Rhymes-With-Death)